So lately i have not been getting along with a certain somebody... And right about now i am just over it and over them , because they are really just wasting my time. But without that person , i can not have somethings that i think i need . But with that person in my life i am somewhat miserable , because all i do is cry. I cry because the person is whom i cannot speak of simply because of judgments , that i would regret... So i will not say the name! Although i will say , the person hates my freaking guts , and i am so happy that they do ; because in a couple of months they will not matter , and it will not hurt me anymore. The person has made life hard to deal with , i almost ended what was given to me because of something they did to me. I just didn't care anymore , i had given up and now the 1 year anniversary is coming up... Yay yipppeeeeee i get to remember the day i almost died! Every single day as the day approaches , i get scared-er and scared-er. Like i honestly fear for my life as if the same thing will happen again , if they did it once trust and believe they will do it again. My heart is dropping because i am so scared , wanting to burst out in tears i must look strong ; not for me but of whom is looking for failure. Failure in the mindset to not overcome life and its obstacle of being a victim... I did not get to choose this life , it chose me ! ! !
Can you guys believe it ? i feel like just yesterday it was Easter.. Time is flying by and i have less than 6 months in my household. Then I am going to be out there , with you guys in this place called "life" ! My heart is dropping because i cant catch up with time, i have one goal and one goal only and even that seems a little impossible. And that is to get accepted into a College ! I feel as if i am not asking for much although others may defer... My want is simply a need ! If i don't get accepted into a college my life is O-V-E-R OVER , and i don't think i could handle it. I am trying to do everything that i can to get accepted , but for some colleges i need a higher SAT score and For others I need A higher GPA. So it all depends but I AM DESPERATE , SO DESPERATE I WILL DO ANYTHING IT TAKES... Even if i have to sleep with somebody , (LMAOO I am totally lying that is taking it wayyy to far ). Or at least for me it is! But seriously i am hungry for more , what can i do to have what i need? What will fill my desire for the more of what i am seeking.. I must know , or i can not move on because time is becoming my worst enemy.
I think its time to move on from you , even though i cant ! I cant physically because i need your money for school... i know that makes me sound like a gold digger , but i will get what is mine no matter what i have to do . i know you expect me to do nothing with my life and become a bum , but that's not going to happen. I thank God , for his grace and mercy ! With you in my life , i don't know what i would do without God i mean honestly. At this point in my life i don't know , what life has come to... Everyday is a constant struggle , i would say i cant wait until i can get away from you but id be lying . Isn't that a shame even though you do me wrong i have to stay ,stay for some of the things i need. well really i cant say i have to stay , because i don't ! I choose to because , I'm determined to beat the stereotypes. The stereo of me being just like my brother when he turned 18 . He moved out on his 18th birthday because he couldn't take it anymore... i don't remember the whole story ... i just know he was like DEUCES ! And every since i have had to deal with people saying im going to do the very exact same thing ! Like im tired of being looked down upon , because people want to judge me based upon someone else and there actions. That is why im so terrified to move out. i need to be stable , because those bills aren't gong to pay themselves and my " parents" aren't going to help me out ! And how i know is because they said or he as in my dad said when i graduate i am on my own... It sucks , that is why i need all the support i can get so when i do move on , i can look back and say wow somebody did care.
The dance was so much fun last night , i was dropping it like it was hot LOL. I haven't had that much fun in a long time , I'm so glad i got a chance to experience everything when it comes to homecoming. Well except the game , i didn't go i mean i thought about it then i was just like nahhh i don't want to go haha. Some of my pictures came out great , to be honest but others where like owwweeee ! "if you know what i mean LOL" ... I had wore this black dress and this pearl necklace , and my date had worn a grey suite with a hat and an orange button up. We was looking good "i hope" hahha wait how do i not know ? ... It must have been a long night last night i mean i did stay out until 11 something and didn't go to sleep until 12 or 1 O,clock in the morning. so nobody can judge LMAOO.... I'm in such a great mood , i hope no one try's to kill my mood today ! But if they do , don't worry i will be on here telling you guys all about it, like i always do. I'm so excited to show my Big Sissy my photos from last night , i wonder what she is going to think . Oh well i guess i will find out later on...
I'm just trying to get over this transition in my life right now . At times I feel bad because I'm all depressed and everyone has had a good day except me! And I'm just like why couldn't I have a good day too , like foreal I want to be happy... Seriously though , I always laugh and joke but I want to wake up and say you know what today I'm going to have fun today is going to be great !! And actually have a Great day , or is that just too much to ask for? Am I asking for too much .... Or am I becoming blind to my own happiness ?
You know what maybe I am ! And I'm going to decide that tomorrow will be a better day than today , tomorrow will be Great and I will Finally Smile . Wish me luck tomorrow ...!
I'm so sick and tired of being SICK AND TIRED !
Like seriously if you have something to say to me just say it . You always sugar coat everything , but not this time the truth shall come out . I shall know what you have been up too because I know your evil just like your friend- enemy. One minute you area all lovey Dovey the next yall can't stand each other ; like get over it . You think you had a hard life , well I had one too BECAUSE OF YOU ! At times I can't stand you , but I want what is for me . So I do whatever it takes To get it ... Even though you put me through soooooo much I am still trying to recover , Physically and emotionally. I let you get the best of me , I let you control me like MEN DO! I used to think all men were the same but then I REALIZED ALL MEN ARENT THE SAME ITS JUST YOU ! The one that makes me feel like I will never love anyone , the one that makes me feel so done with life 😭. I cried and I cried and IM TIRED .... SOMETHING GOTTA GIVE !!!
I think I'm losing my mind
I can't find anyone like her
If only I can find someone close
Just so close that I can feel her presence
Now I'm obsessed trying to find a replacement
I never wanted to admit it ,but I think what I wanted was, a replacement BUT THERE IS NO ONE LIKE HER
so now I'm stuck trying to find that person
I just know there is someone like her
I pray that I find someone like her so that I can get on with my life
I have to get over it now she is gone
It honestly breaks my heart that this is true honestly
But I have to get over it I have to let her go like they always wanted me too in the first place CONGRATULATIONS she's gone and I'm broken down into pieces that cant be repaired.
I don't know what to do !!! I'm really wanna go to college but the Prices , My Grades , My scores for My test .. I'm nervous and scared I just need help . I feel like I'm not asking for a lot I just Need to get accepted into College.
I can go straight into the police academy or join the acedmey ! But that's not why I really want to do to be honest I feel like there is always a gamble when it comes to my future . But I'm at the point where something gotta give , I have no choice but to want better and more for myself !
Sorry Guys I just don't think , everyone would follow me on my journey to a Video Blog.. So I will definitely Keep Blogging On here THANK YOU GUYS☺️ !!!
So I'm thinking about starting a new Video Blog on YouTube ... I'm not sure yet , If I did , would you guys even comment or watch my videos ? It Probably would be two days out of the week , and it will continue based up on the Number of People that watch it. If I Do decide to go through with the plan I will SURELY LET U GUYS KNOW !!!