I have always wanted a real relationship! Not just a friend with benefits ... But I don't wanna feel alone, and I care about him honestly. I'm just stuck between giving up and actually giving a fuck about him . So we almost dated or at least that's what I wanted , but he chose to differ . But as always I listen to him so I said whatever about being in a relationship! Even though he was my first everything except my first love . Also he wasn't my first intercourse partner ! So he thought he just had to get in my pants or thats what it seemed like . He would try and butter me up by saying, I love you . And of course like the "smarty "I am , I didn't believe him ! I'm sure that's what he tell all his thots . Except I'm not a thot , I'm actually somebody he needs and will respect. And after wards he would give me these tender kisses that I fell in love with ! He would kiss me on my forehead, and I would just melt . Remember he didn't want to be in a relationship, but he is doing all these gestures as if I'm what he wants. In fact he said that " we had chemistry between the two of us ". Like yea right , I'm sure it's just my "Cat" teasing you ! Maybe he was frisky , I don't know ... But when we met up to hangout, he was all over me . Which I'm not surprised at all ! How can I forget the "chemistry " we have . He is such a nathanist ... He doesn't even call me , even when we were talking I had to text first ! But you claim you love me ..
Now he is in Arkansas, and I haven't spoken to him since he left . And he hasn't texted and I doubt he ever will , so I guess we will just see each other when we see each other . Which is in 4 months , I don't know how to feel to be honest . How do I react , what do I say ? The blood will start rushing through my brain then to my face. I think I fell in love with him , wait no I'm hallucinating. How can I fall in love with some that never talked to me unless he wanted to mess around . The fact that I actually cared about him , I feel so stupid! Why should I continue to fall for him , like there's not a million other guys out there .
I just wanted somebody to treat me like I'm special and the only girl they see in the world . Is that too much to ask ? Obviously it was for him and on my birthday he didn't even say happy birthday! But has the nerve to ask me for a picture of my birthday suit .. He is just a filthy pig! That just wants intercourse and I can't allow my self to surrender to his wants anymore.